Culture Shock and Ethnocentrism

Wow, okay. This is a perfect time for this blog post.

On Thursday, my grandmother, my mom's mom, flew in from Belarus. She will be living with us for the next six months.

The first thing she did when she got to our house was unload a suitcase full of gifts. It was unbelievable that a woman who has nothing, and who has had next to nothing for her entire life, would spend the money and suitcase space to bring gifts for her granddaughter, who has everything. Beautiful hair pieces and jewelry, bags and bags of candy, shoes and clothes...she unpacked these things with pride; she loves giving gifts. And immediately my mom springs on her. You shouldn't have brought the clothes or shoes, she says. We can get it all here, cheaper and better. That's the viewpoint she's held her whole life. Why? Well, I suppose because it's true. Or at least, it WAS true at some point. Clothes and shoes in the Soviet Union (and in Belarus, post '91) are bad quality and extremely expensive, if they're in stores at all. By the time my own immediate family moved to America, I know that my mother had grown to hate the way of life in Belarus. Her ethnocentrism is based on how wonderful life in America is compared to what she experienced for almost 30 years in Belarus. And that, she has passed on to me. She has such a rational approach to criticizing other cultures that it becomes hard to accept them.

For example, when I went to France and was told to cover up, I couldn't help but think "This is ridiculous! It's hot outside and it's stupid to make me wear long pants or tights. Why stifle and repress me?" Of course, wearing tights wasn't exactly "repressive", but having grown up in the states, it was extremely unusual for me to not be able to wear what I wanted. I realized when I got back that. for the most part, people just look better when they're wearing more clothing. Wearing long pants is not so bad, and it wasn't that hot in France. But at the time, my ethnocentrism reigned supreme.

Another thing that surprised me about my grandma: Friday night she asked me if I had done my homework. "No," I replied. "Why would I?", I wondered. My mother jumped in immediately to explain that we only have school five days a week here. My grandma was pleasantly surprised. Wow, do we really get two weekend days? Of all things, I did not expect this to surprise her. I knew that I felt that two weekends was the only way to do it, why would you waste kids' time in school on Saturdays? But that's just how Russia does it. They do churn out some freakishly intelligent kids, especially in math, so I can understand where the extra days comes in handy. Because my parents went to college for six days a week, they got both a bachelor's and a master's in their four years.

There are lots of things about Belarus that me and my mom don't like. She talks about the way of life as if talking about a poisonous snake. American culture sounds better, it feels better, I'm very very very glad to have grown up here, in the states. But my grandma obviously is used to Belarus. She finds it more difficult to hear what my mom is saying. I mean, imagine if your daughter moved to Japan and constantly told you how much it sucks in America and how great it is in Japan? It's like that. So me and my mom are being quite ethnocentric. And we both know it. We do it very intentionally because we want my grandma to stay here, not to go back to that mess of a country. But it's ethnocentrism nonetheless.